I fucking suck.

I thought that maybe it's just time I start being a little bit more selfish and put my happiness first. The only problem is I don't know how. I'm not the kind of person that can just ignore a problem that is sitting right in front of her. When something bugs me, it fucking bugs me. Each second I try let it pass on by, I think of yet another detail to worry about. I worry about everything now. It's weird, because that was never me. I was always so confident and trusted everything I heard. Now I feel as though something isn't right. And even my awareness of that big fat "CAUTION" sign posted before me doesn't make me stop and turn around. I don't know why, but I keep on proceeding. It's like a curse- a curse that allows others to take advantage of me. I want to find the cure for this unnecessary stress that I've somehow been bound to. I want to find independence. I want to learn how to be selfish.

To you.

Some believe it's being able to hold on that makes you strong,
but sometimes it's letting go.

Easier said than done, I KNOW.
If anyone knows, it has to be me.

But you,
you're different.
I know, deep down, you have the capability of letting go- setting yourself free, & allowing yourself to be happy without her.
You hold someone on a pedestal that, from what I see, deserves to be shoved into a hole in the mud.
She does nothing for you & you deserve much better.

I know you say it's hard to be alone.
God knows I know how that feels, especially for someone that requires lots of affection.

From my perspective, I think you're a lot happier when you aren't with that person.
She stresses you out & gives you shit to complain about.
She doesn't deserve a guy that will go out of his way to be with her.
She doesn't deserve that much attention.
She doesn't deserve you.

If anything, she should be the one on her hands & knees, groveling at your feet.
She should be the one WORKING to be with you, because you deserve it.

You're a wonderful guy.
It's your decision though.
I'm just here to offer you my opinion.
I love you & hate seeing you at your lowest.


Whether you keep going through this madness or decide to let go,
just know I'll be here for you as you were always there for me.
Do what you think is best for you.
You only have one life to live.
Don't waste it on the wrong person.


-The best ever. (;

'CUZ I'M BLACK YALL!

................
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. . .

.... .... ....

dang.
time goes by so SO slowly when you're sick & all you do all day is lay in bed.
i can't even watch TV bc it gives me a headache.

i think my fever turned into strep throat or something.
maybe the flu?
whatever it is, it fucking sucks b@wls.

oh &
jesseeee, i'm sorry i didn't make it to your grad party the other day.
i wasn't feeling well, so jeff took me home.




blllaaaaaaaaaahhhsdjkfjskdfh
where's my boyfriend at? ):

i need me some tapioca pudding.

what? i graduated?

It still hasn't hit me, but I'm sure it will soon.

Thank you to everyone that made it last night. It really means the world to this little heart of mine haha.
I love you guys!

But to specific others,
I'm pretty disappointed.
You really brought me down.
It was hard for me to believe.
But I guess "best" is only title.
I'll remember that.


& To the class of 2009:
Congratulations!
We did it. :D:D

i am

bored.

TMNS!

i like squoitles.

a sudden thought about right & wrong

"There is only one success- to be able to live your life in your own way." -Christopher Morely

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway." - Eleanor Roosevelt



I don't know about anyone else,
but I think that what's right is doing what you think is best for yourself.
Other people's opinions may influence your decisions, but overall you should do you- what you want to do, not what anyone else wants you to do.

For me, I can't be satisfied not knowing what would happen if I didn't choose to do what I wanted. Even if the result of my decision ended up catastrophically wrong, I would get this fulfillment that would tell me, "Well, at least you know now."

I guess psychologically, I side with the learning perspective. I believe that the only way people learn is by experience. I figure you have to try even though you feel like your choice may be wrong in the end. It's worth a shot, right? Otherwise you'd never know.

I think that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Life is a gamble and you ultimately control your fate with your own decisions.
You just have to choose wisely.








(Yes. I'm back.)

This one's for Richie... bc I miss that nigga.

Richiefromskewl (6:43:18 PM): you haven't written in a while.
Richiefromskewl (6:43:22 PM): haha i like your blogs


Haha alriiiiiiiiight.
I should be doing hw, but I'm not.
I TRY. I really do,
but I just can't seem to focus.
There's been too much on my mind.

Totes ridic relationshit drama & what not.
fuuudge brownie.



Mmm i haven't been on here in a while & i JUST got caught up on reading everyones blogs.
I tried commenting like 5 of them, but the captchas won't load >=/
Haha whatever..

Dude.
I feel like I have a permanent headache haha.
I've been stressing over too much lately.
But luckily we had Friday at Kim's.
That day was just what I needed.
Haha i freaking miss having all of WT together.
I just wish Jeff Davis could've gone. I miss him hanging out with us the most, even though I see him every day at school. It's not the same without him.
But yeee..
I agree with everyone; super fun night!
ahah WinCo Thuggin' all day, nigga. all day.
Like foreal.. Friday made me realize how much I really enjoy your company.
Like fucking, oh my God..
just look at this..





You can't say this isn't a beautiful fucking family.
Gahdamn.


Haha
but yeah.
I guess I should get back to work.
Until next time.


P.S.

... Ay. Kiss her.

What's love anyway?

My definition is sacrificing a part of yourself for someone else, even if it causes you pain, because you care that much about that person.

What do you think?
Because idk...

I have always believed that actions speak louder than words.

Sure, you can say you "love" someone,
but what does saying it really prove?

I'd rather a guy SHOW me he loved me, than just tell me he loved me a million times.

The smallest gestures can show you love a person.
It doesn't matter the size, just as long as you convey it through your actions.

mm

Everyone knows I'm crazy in love with this guy, but they don't know why.
Sometimes I don't even know why.
It's just hard sometimes, because I feel like he doesn't feel the same about me, even though he says he does.
I want him to prove it, you know?


I want you to show me.

"bahaga 7 shitet"

lmao
they don't run shit.

I'd like you to meet my fiance (:

"Sup Melo. How are you?"

Hm... Well, I'm really cold...
& my tooth hurts...
The left lens of my glasses is the wrong prescription...
& the bruise on my foot is still as blue as it was when i got it,
but it also itches now.






Bahaha


On a lighter note...
I made kim get a BlogSpot too ! (:
Now I can finally know what she's thinking.
You mysterious banana, you.
(Don't follow me, creeper.)

Post Secret

Hello first blog.

Lately, a lot of people have been coming to me for relationship advice. & If this was you then you should probably continue reading...



Mkay, so I was sitting in Psychology today, and Mr. Cline was explaining some powerpoint about character 7 shitet. (Haha. I bet that made Vanessa go "bahaga".)

He showed us a quote by Abe Lincoln, & it went like this:

"Most people are about as happy as they want to be."

I can't help but completely agree with this statement. After all I've been through, I've FINALLY come to the realization that the only reason I was so unhappy with my life and the way things were was because I made myself unhappy.

I find it weird that people must learn from experience. Like why is it that we have to suffer before we finally learn? Why can't we just accept the good advice people give us before any bad happens? Why do we realize what we should have done after it's already too late?
Well, I'll tell you why.
It's because we're human.

It's inevitable that bad things and bad decisions will reoccur in life.
"You never know until you try."
It sounds cliche but you know it's true. So don't sit around & mope about things, saying "I wasted my time" or "She wasn't worth it" or "I wish I never met him" or "I regret ever doing that" or.. well, yeah. You get the jist.
Like just think about it...
If you truely meant these things, then you would have never learned that your mistakes... were mistakes.
& then you'd end up doing the same thing in a different relationship with a different person anyway, am I right?

Thought so.

So, what I guess I'm trying to say is...
you don't have to go through bad experiences and come out with a bad attitude. Just be accepting of your mistakes. Don't put the blame on yourself saying "Oh, I was so stupid and I shouldn't have [insert fail here]." If these mistakes never happened, then you would never know how to improve in future relationships. Think of it like, "This was all for the better," and try to be positive, you know?
The only way you can be happy.. is if you TRY to be happy.
Stop looking at the glass as half empty & start realizing that it's also half full.