Exactly.

Woosa.

Was this close to ringing my brother's neck for causing my father so much physical & mental stress. I love you, daddy. You don't deserve this.

Can't help but wonder of this hurts you half as much as it hurts me.

You're a beautiful person. I wish I could have given you what you wanted, but that would have been selfish (on both ends).

Nabsbjsjdkld

Family problems near the holidays.. No bueno :l

... I'm sorry.

I don't know what else to tell you. I already told you that I can't do this, & I already told you that we don't want the same things. Of course, I feel horrible about what that's doing to you; but, what else can I do or say? This is how I feel, & it drives me insane every time you tell me that you're confused. Fuck that; you're not confused. You just don't want to accept it as it is.

Nothing you do is going to change the way I feel. You can't keep taking care of me & doing all these favors that I don't ask you to do. I don't want you to do them, & I hate that you continue to do them after I tell you to stop. I feel as though you think it's going to make me fall in love with you.. You can't buy my love. You always act like you don't want anything in return, but you know damn well that I know you better than that. I know for a fact that you're expecting something in return.. but I don't need you to baby me. In all honesty, it's part of the reason you drove me away.

.. for me, this is insane. This is crazy. We were getting in numerous fights & you were acting weird before we were even close to being "official."

I don't see you in that way, & I've told you that. I'm sorry, but it's the truth.

I know you've noticed that I don't talk to you as much as I used to. & that I don't ask you to hang out anymore. There are reasons for this.. I feel like you get the wrong idea when I do. As many times as I told you, "No, let's just be friends," I still see this obvious hope in you that I will someday change my mind. I just need you to move on.. I'm tired of hurting you.

take it easy.

it don't take a lot to please me.

I fucking suck.

I thought that maybe it's just time I start being a little bit more selfish and put my happiness first. The only problem is I don't know how. I'm not the kind of person that can just ignore a problem that is sitting right in front of her. When something bugs me, it fucking bugs me. Each second I try let it pass on by, I think of yet another detail to worry about. I worry about everything now. It's weird, because that was never me. I was always so confident and trusted everything I heard. Now I feel as though something isn't right. And even my awareness of that big fat "CAUTION" sign posted before me doesn't make me stop and turn around. I don't know why, but I keep on proceeding. It's like a curse- a curse that allows others to take advantage of me. I want to find the cure for this unnecessary stress that I've somehow been bound to. I want to find independence. I want to learn how to be selfish.